See Below...

I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and she was saying that she gets quite a few emails forwarded to her from her boss that on the top line simply say: See below…

She then went on to say that she felt it was time for her to have the authority to delegate, to pass things on, to write “see below”. Today, I was cc’d on an email that said “see below” to the main recipient, and I just smiled.

I have to say, that in the past, I was one of those people that always felt like I had to do everything myself and would never ask for help. Or, in a position of authority, I would never want to assign a task to someone . Some say that’s a trust issue or a control thing. Or maybe it’s because I wanted to feel like superwoman­—like I was capable of doing it all. OK, I’ve gotten over that and in situations where I simply have too much on my plate, I’m not afraid to ask for help. At this point in my life, I know what I really want to spend my time on and if I can get help with some things, it allows me to have more time to spend on the other things. What I have seen by doing this is that not only does it free up time to work on my priorities, it builds relationships. It builds a sense of teamwork; it builds trust; it makes people feel worthy and confident. It also gives me the time to reciprocate. This is one of the best things about it, because it feels great to be helpful, and to feel worthy, etc. And in the end, I think we’re all here to help each other out.

Are you willing to ask for help?

Trust

Firm reliance on the integrity or ability of a person or a thing; the condition and obligation of having confidence placed in one; reliance on something in the future; hope; to believe. These are some of the definitions found in the dictionary for the word trust. This is a very profound concept and one that when breached, can often lead to the disintegration of relationships. Especially if the circumstances involve integrity, which, by definition, is the “steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code”. This could apply to any relationship, including those involving family members, friends, coworkers or acquaintances. Lack of trust so often leads to destruction, not just because of betrayals, but because it is so difficult to regain. It is the foundation upon which successful relationships are built in the first place. They grow from that premise and allow those involved to grow and to be whole, authentic individuals who want to share their thoughts and feelings with one another without the worry that they will be rejected.

According to Stephen Covey, “trust is the highest form of human motivation. It brings out the very best in people. But it takes time and patience…” And this requires constant work. He uses the metaphor of an “Emotional Bank Account…that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship…through deposits of “courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping commitments” and if the reserve is high enough, “communication is instant, easy and effective…It can even weather mistakes.” But withdrawing from the bank account too often without making deposits erodes trust and relationships. And it goes both ways in that we must acknowledge other people’s bank accounts. In other words, we must not only earn trust but we must place it in others. We can’t expect someone to trust us if we don’t trust them. And sometimes, a lack of trust in others is a projection of how we feel about ourselves. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Self-trust is the first secret of success.” As with anything else, we must trust ourselves first. We must have faith that our thoughts and feelings are valid and that we can and will do the right thing. I believe to some extent, this comes from having such things as love, faith, belief, patience, care and respect for ourselves. When we achieve these strengths in our characters, only then can we begin to build solid and lasting relationships that stay strong through trust.