Letting Go of Expectations

During a packed class the other day, our yoga instructor, Jen, said this: “Let go of any expectations. You have no idea what your best looks like.” What a powerful statement that was. Is it not true that if we think we know our best then we might unconsciously slam into a brick wall when we get there?

I’ve experienced this in yoga class before, although there are certainly postures that I have yet to close the gap between where I am and where I imagine my best to be. This is one of the primary reasons that I continue with my practice–I’m not there yet and I hope to never actually get there. For this to hold true, though, I need to let go of expectations.

This concept also rang very true for me this week. For years, celebrating the holiday in my family has followed tradition and so I have the habit of forming in my mind, my idea of how I would like the events to unfold. Naturally, it never turns out quite how I had envisioned and this year was no exception.

Several days before Christmas, my mom came down with a stomach flu that left her unable to keep down food or water. And then other family members got sick. Long story short, we decided to postpone our family gathering until next week. Since my dad’s birthday falls on Christmas day, I spent the day with my parents cooking for my dad.

So here I was, first time cooking a 7-lb beef tenderloin that had been waiting in the fridge for Christmas and that had to be cooked. Several hours later, I served my dad the most tender meat he had ever eaten with some sweet potato fries, cauliflower a la Alice Waters, and a nice pinot noir.

By this time, my mom was able to hold down vegetable broth with rice for the first time in days, so we enjoyed a meal together watching Ben Hur. My mom was happy that my dad had a delicious birthday meal; my dad and I were happy (and grateful) that mom could finally keep something in her stomach, and we all had a relaxing day.

I could have easily been disappointed about Christmas. But because I let go of expectations, it turned out perfect for the circumstances we had. Even better than I had imagined since I now know how to cook a perfect beef tenderloin. : )

The entire family is getting together next weekend to celebrate Christmas and the New Year. How will it go? Don’t know and I’m not going to think about it. I’m just going to let it happen and maybe be pleasantly surprised.

I want to wish everyone a happy holiday and I hope it's been better than ever imagined : )

Saving Grace

My companion at Chocolate Springs Cafe in Lenox, MA : )

Although I am thankful to say that I rarely have one of those days, I did one day last week. Without going into much detail, suffice it to say that it began very early and the overall mood was hectic and stressful. In addition, I had my 4-year-old grandson for the day so that I could bring him to an appointment. And later in the day, I received some unsettling news and was given a last minute change of plans for the next day–both of which caught me off balance and escalated the levels of stress I was already experiencing. In the end, it was a juggling act and a test of mental and emotional strength.

That night, while lying in bed, after my daughter had picked up my grandson, I thought about the day. I thought about the emails and the phone calls and the noise and the stress. And I thought about the moments when I was working on my computer and my grandson would run into the room to talk and ask me questions. I thought about his doctor’s appointment and how he got a little scared and needed a little comforting. I thought about the minutes when I would stop what I was doing to squat down and wrap my arms around him. I thought about how we played Cars on the computer while he sat on my lap, and how he ate two bowls of kale chips : ) I was amazed at this. I thought about how he laid next to me on the sofa and how his curiosity, innocence and pure, beautiful smile comforted me throughout the day. It could have turned out so very different and if he hadn’t been there, it sure would have. But because he was there, this wonderful bundle of energy saved my day. And for this, I am eternally grateful.

Quick and Decadent Chocolate Cups

What do you do when you want to put together a quick yet decadent after dinner treat for your guests? Start with some good quality semi-sweet or darker chocolate, add a healthy handful of nuts, seeds, dried fruit, and coconut. Then top with sea salt. The great thing about these mini chocolate cups is that the possibilities are endless. You can use macadamia nuts, pecans, almonds, pine nuts or hazelnuts. Pumpkin, sesame, and sunflower seeds are options. And for dried fruit–raisins, currants, apricots, pineapple, cherries, blueberries would work well. Whatever you’re in the mood for and have on hand will work and they can be made and ready in about 30 minutes without a lot of fuss.

Mini Chocolate Cups with Fruit and Nuts

3.5 - 4 oz. good quality semi-sweet chocolate (60-65% cacao content) or slightly darker (I used Lindt 70% Intense Dark)

1 t coconut oil

1 T chopped walnuts*

1 T hulled sunflower seeds*

1 T dried cherries, chopped in half

1 T shredded coconut

coarse sea salt

Very gently melt the chocolate with the coconut oil over a double boiler, or rest a glass or ceramic dish with the chocolate into a pot of simmering water. Continue to stir gently until the chocolate is ¾ of the way melted, then remove the chocolate from the heat and stir until it is completely melted (I do this to prevent the chocolate from overheating and separating and the residual heat in the bowl is usually enough to complete the melting process). Add the nuts, seeds, fruit, and coconut and stir well. Drop teaspoons full of the mixture into mini muffin pans that are lined with small paper pastry cups. Let them set for a few minutes, then sprinkle with a little sea salt. Chill until set in the refrigerator. This recipe makes about 8 chocolates.

That’s it! These are so quick and easy and the perfect size for a bite or two after a meal. And that’s usually all that I need to satisfy me. I’m going to experiment with different nuts, fruits and brands of chocolate since there are a few good ones on the market.

* If you’re using nuts and/or seeds that have been soaked, they should be dried really well (even dehydrated) before adding to the chocolate.

A Labor of Love

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon in Willington, CT at Passardi Maple on 76 Potter School Road, where I watched the Passardi family, with Noah Passardi at the helm, prepare their maple syrup. I discovered their sign on a drive through Willington a couple of weeks ago and had stopped at their sugar-house with my Mom. As luck would have it, they were setting up lines and taps for their trees to begin the process of collecting syrup. While we were there, Richard Passardi took the time to walk us through the maple syrup producing process and was kind enough to have me come back for a visit to watch and videotape the production. I was able to see and even taste the raw material that comes dripping out of the trees and was astonished to discover that it looks like water and tastes only slightly sweet. I was guided through the entire process from syrup collection, to the boiling/evaporation process that concentrates it down and gives it the deep rich color that maple syrup is known for. I watched how they filter, grade, and finally bottle the finished product. The best part, though, was in the tasting. I was able to try one of their grade A and grade B syrups and was amazed that the seemingly simple (but actually not so simple) process of boiling had converted a thin, clear liquid into something so deliciously rich and sweet.

But what impressed me more than anything about my experience, was witnessing the care and teamwork demonstrated by the Passardi family. While I was there, they worked tirelessly to collect the syrup from their tanks, ensure that the syrup boiled just right, bottled it promptly, and kept the house neat and organized. And besides maple syrup, Noah Passardi keeps bees that produce honey and he pours beeswax candles (which I prefer because they burn cleaner than paraffin wax).

Everyone wore many hats and helped where they were needed to keep the operation running smoothly. In fact, I don’t know of a better way to describe the effort except to call it a labor of love. I spent several hours with the Passardi family, and when I left, they had many more hours of work to go before they were finished for the day. For me, watching how the Passardi family produced their maple syrup was an education and I felt good about buying their product. And I will tell you that this morning, I used their delicious grade B maple syrup on my spelt pancakes. I believe the biggest benefit to visiting the Passardi family’s sugar-house, though, was something much more important than knowledge. A sense of community develops when people become acquainted with those that are producing the food that they eat and those types of relationships are the glue that keep us all human and doing things for the good of everyone. And that's exactly how I felt at the end of the afternoon.

If you’re ever in Willington, CT stop by Passardi Maple for some outstanding maple syrup, honey, or candles. I’m happy I did…

A Time to Celebrate

Last night, my family got together to celebrate my mom’s 74^th birthday. It’s hard to believe, but I can clearly remember when she was my age, reminding me of how quickly the years go by. When talking about her age, she usually speaks with pride, without regret or resentment about getting on in years. I say this only because I know that the aging process can be a bitter event in some people’s lives and they’ll do anything to turn back the hands on the clock. What some don’t realize, though, is that by living active, fulfilling and meaningful lives, we remain youthful and energetic, but with the added bonus of having the experience and wisdom of those much younger than us. I believe in my mom’s case, she’s just as active now as she was when she was my age. And although, she’s had her share of ups and downs like everyone, staying active has been an inherent trait for her.

So what is it about aging that causes people to look upon it with sadness or regret? The most obvious regret invoking trigger I can imagine is the feeling that we have not accomplished or experienced what we had hoped to in our lives. We got into the habit of saying to ourselves, I’ll do this later, or I’ll get to that another time, or I can’t do this or that now. And before we knew what had happened, the opportunities passed with time. The simplest way of avoiding that is to go for the things we want to do in life and not let excuses stop us. Easier said than done, I know that for sure. But when we look back on our lives, we’ll less likely regret doing something as opposed to not doing it at all.

For some as well, simply physically growing older and knowing that their bodies can’t perform the way they did when they were younger and knowing that their time here will eventually end puts them into a state of melancholy. I haven’t reached that point, but I can very clearly understand how that eventually happens. I don’t know of any elixir available that can suspend the aging process. We can certainly slow it, though by eating right, exercising, and keeping our stress levels low; however, time will continue to go by. Yet, how would we experience life without the passing of time? It takes time to grow, make mistakes, learn lessons, make memories, discover who we are, share good times and bad, and live through the phases in or lives that we’re meant to experience, if we’re lucky enough to reach them. And to be able to pass on our learning and wisdom to the generations that come after us is a gift that we can all share. Otherwise, the alternative is that we never reach old age, we fall short of the life that we could have lived, and we miss the opportunity to share our knowledge and wisdom. In that sense, having the opportunity to grow older is cause for celebration and I hope that if and when I turn 74, I won’t look back with regret or sadness, but with pride and joy. And one more thing, I hope that I can celebrate with a cake like the one pictured above. The chocolate mousse cake you see is courtesy of La Fiorentina in Springfield, MA and it’s one of the most delicious chocolate cakes I’ve ever had! : )

Built on a Foundation of Love

The other day, I learned from one of my yoga instructors that she had just gotten married. I knew that she had a long-time partner, but I had no idea that they had been planning a wedding, so it was a nice surprise when I learned the news. What was the most remarkable thing to me was the wedding itself. She said that it took about five minutes to plan, and that she called up her mom and picked up her fiancée’s son from school as witnesses. In fact, she said that she was wearing jeans and had hat hair during the ceremony, but that didn’t seem to bother her in the least. To know her is to know that she was truly happy with the arrangements. She is one of the most kind, gracious, relaxed, non-ego-driven people I know. As an instructor, she is encouraging and helpful and never arrogant. She has a very easy way about her as she teaches and she conducts her classes with the right amount of leadership to keep them running smoothly. I guess I would consider her a contemporary flower child, if I may say. Now, imagine this woman getting married in jeans and hat hair, and it doesn’t seem unusual at all.

Later, I was thinking; does the fact that they skipped the big ceremony and the lavish reception make their marriage any less special? I didn’t think so. Because after the day is over, it’s love that is going to keep them together; not the bouquets of flowers or the wedding photos or the champagne glasses. Sure, those things all help to create a memorable day, but they won’t help them weather the ups and downs that every couple will face as they build a life together. Nothing material can substitute for a state of being; like the state of love that they feel for each other that brought them together in the first place. This is where it all begins and if this foundation is real and strong enough, then it will still be standing no matter what happens to the rest of the house. In fact, the better the foundation, the richer the home will become and the more likely it will stay standing. So if two people who are truly in love are happy to wed without all the fanfare, then I say, congratulations, and may you be blessed with a long and happy union filled with beauty, fond memories and unending growth. And I would like to take this opportunity to thank my yoga instructor for sharing her authentic self, both in and out of class. She’s just one more someone, and something, I have to be grateful for.

Remember When??

I spent this past weekend with my two grandsons, Carmine and Antonio, ages three and five. I remember being in denial about the idea of becoming a grandmother at what I thought was too young of an age for me, but now, I realize it’s been a blessing. I adore my grandkids and they have come to be a source of pure joy for me and because I’m in fairly good condition physically, I’ve been able to actively participate in just about anything these two bundles of energy have wanted to do. We play baseball and Frisbee and run together and climb the jungle gym at the playground. They’ve “practiced” yoga with me and we’ve played in the sand at the beach, and built with LEGO bricks and thanks to my young age and health, I’ve always been able to share with them my energy and enthusiasm.

They too, unknowingly share something very valuable with me when we spend time together. Their free-spirited personalities and their fearlessness – two things we all are born with that slowly diminish with time and experience. This weekend alone was filled with examples of how they live uninhibited and in the moment that we can all learn from. They live next to a high school that sits atop a steep, grassy hill overlooking a newly renovated expanse of school property with soccer, baseball and football fields. The hill is perfect in the winter for sledding, snowboarding and even teaching the little ones to ski. I often take them out the field to run in the wide-open spaces and this weekend we went out there with their bikes. They wanted to climb the hill to ride in the parking lot above, but on the way up, Antonio decided he wanted to ride his bike down the hill. What do you think immediately went through my head? “Maybe he shouldn’t do that.”; “Is it safe?”; “What if he falls?”; “What if he gets hurt?” Was he thinking any of these things? Absolutely not. The only thoughts on his mind were “Here I go!” and “Whoa!” And before I could even say “Wait!”, he had taken off down the hill and reached the bottom safely. In fact, the second time he went down, he took his eyes off where he was going. He began to look to the left, then to the right, then down and eventually lost control of the handlebars and flipped off the bike at the bottom. I told him what I saw and why I think he fell and what do you think he did? Without uttering a sound, he got up, climbed back up the hill and immediately tried again, this time looking straight ahead the whole time. And he was successful from that moment forward, every time he rode down the hill. How many of us would make such an attempt so soon after wiping out? Would we not focus on the failure and be paralyzed with fear, convincing ourselves that we should give up and move on to something else or possibly be afraid to try something else? The spill taught him a valuable lesson about what does not work and he simply used that information to get it right. It allowed him to come out successful and confident.

That night, they wanted me to watch the movie Robots with them so we sat on the sofa for what I thought would be a relaxing and entertaining evening. Relaxing no, but highly entertaining! About ten minutes into it, the movie broke out into a song. Without warning, Carmine jumped off of my lap and began to dance to the music, shaking his bottom and jumping and moving his arms. Pretty soon, Antonio joined in and it turned into a combination dance/martial arts demonstration. Would you believe that the credits were rolling and they were still on the carpet dancing? Maybe my video camera had something to do with that, but not once were they thinking, “Will I look silly if I get up and dance like this?”, “Will I be laughed at?”, “I’m really no good at this, I shouldn’t do it.” How many of us have been in that position, holding back what’s aching to come out for fear of looking silly or not being good enough? Instead, they let their spirits soar and were so filled with happiness and energy. And this was after an entire day of excitement and physical movement. We always wonder where children get their energy. I don’t think we as adults get tired because we become old; I believe this vitality disappears because we lose our courage to live our passions. We can have this type of energy at any age. Our bodies may not perform like those of children, but we can have that life and enthusiasm if we’re doing what we love to do and are not concerned about how we look doing it or what others will think. Because chances are, what they’re thinking is, “Why don’t I have the guts to do that?”

Do you remember a time when you had this fearlessness? Do you remember when your main goals were to have fun in the moment and to express your true selves? I can’t say I do, maybe because I can’t remember back far enough. I remember moments when I was living my passions, but they were often flanked by periods of doubt and uncertainty. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I once resisted becoming a grandmother because of my perceptions of what grandparents “are supposed to be”. My grandchildren are gifts that constantly remind me of the true meaning of living a life of joy. Maybe you’re just beginning to think about having kids or are now raising small children. If so, I know it can be an overwhelming time, but please pay attention to what they’re teaching you. The most profound lessons show up when you least expect them but always when they’re being their authentic selves. I believe this is when you learn the most about them, too. And as much as you can, encourage them to stay that way. Foster the development of their unique talents and capabilities; those things that bring them the most joy and vitality so that some day, they too, won’t have to remember when…

Run Your Own Race

Last weekend, I attended the New York City Marathon for the first time, as a spectator and fan of an online friend. Reading that there were to be 40,000 runners and an expected 2 million people watching, I wasn’t sure what to expect, except to say that I anticipated a very intense day. I met up with a friend in the city and we headed to First Ave and 85^th Street, which was mile 17 for the runners and a spot where we hoped to meet our mutual friend for the first time.

From the moment we arrived, the enthusiastic roar of the crowd along the sidelines invigorated me and I soon became aware that I was part of something much more than a race. It seemed as if everyone was there to cheer on someone and it didn’t matter how fast they ran or where they were in the lineup, the fact that they were running at all was enough for them to attract the tremendous support of their family, friends and even additional onlookers. They were there to run their own races and I felt that this was a common thread weaving it’s way through us all and uniting us. I felt that we were all inspired by the runners that we knew and didn’t know, and at the same time, the runners gained motivation and energy from the fans. I couldn’t help but feel that the endless amount of strength and positive energy present galvanized us all. The intensity that I was anticipating was an uplifting intensity; a divine elevation, a feeling that I will never forget and I am so thankful for such a memorable experience.

We met our friend at mile 17 for a very exciting moment. He was on fire and there was no stopping him crossing the finish line. We and many other friends had been following his training progress and offering support online for several months. What was so special about this marathon for him was that it represented what he considered a transcendent goal – one that accomplished so much more than completing a 26.2 mile run. It was about eating healthier, losing weight, becoming more fit and the idea of focusing on something significant and the entire experience brought all of these things into his life and then some. Through no intention of his own, he developed a following online and with the people closer to home and he inspired everyone to make positive changes. And minutes after completing the run, he was already thinking about his next challenge and how to keep the momentum going. It was all about what he had accomplished and how to use that as the starting point for his next goal. You can see him and some of the day here in the two following videos:

Part 1 and Part 2

The lesson for us all is continuous self-improvement. Not competing with someone else, but with ourselves by running our own races. We should set out to reach a goal that we define by identifying what our passions are and on what we want to spend our time and energy. We determine what is best for us and develop the steps necessary to achieve our goals. If we approach them in this way, then we will always come out ahead.

Savor the Celebration

Some of the best times in our lives are those spent with family and friends centered around celebrations and it seems there is always a reason to celebrate. There are holidays, weddings, graduations, birthdays, new babies, etc. They are all opportunities for people to assemble into groups large or small. And one thing these gatherings have in common is food. Not just any food, but exceptional, festive, indulgent, “feast for the taste-buds” food. Those recipes that we don’t pull out everyday just for ourselves, or perhaps dishes that are a bit richer than we would normally eat. Like the Thanksgiving feast with all the comforting side dishes around the turkey and the luscious desserts that follow. Or the rich pastas and seafood recipes we prepare for anniversaries or for Christmas. For special occasions, these dishes help to create an atmosphere of joy and celebration and wonderful memories, so we should savor them without guilt. In fact, I believe that if we recognize and enjoy these indulgent foods as part of the overall experience (in moderation, of course), then their benefits far outweigh any “negative” health impacts they may have. Because if they are awakening feelings of gratitude and happiness, then they are promoting our emotional well-being and this has a strong positive impact on our overall health. And seriously, life is too short to deprive ourselves of the beautiful things in life, like beautiful food.

Well, a few weeks ago was such an occasion for me and two friends. We hadn’t seen much of each other since before the summer because of busy schedules, but we made it a point to get together because we were all celebrating our birthdays within a few weeks of one another. So we met on a cool, Autumn day at my friend’s house and spent the afternoon preparing Julia Child’s Boeuf Bourguignon, a recipe that begins with bacon, but which is absolutely necessary to use if you want to truly experience this dish. If you’d like to see some of the cooking process and what it looked like, you can watch this video:

It was warm, tender, deep with rich flavors and we devoured what we had in our plates and were thoroughly content afterward so I would say that the afternoon it took to prepare was worth the effort. Of course, no true birthday celebration would be complete without dessert but we broke with tradition for this one and instead of cake, we made a chocolate fondue with lots of fruit that we lingered over as we chatted. It was a smooth and silky, not-too-sweet chocolate nirvana that paired well with strawberries, bananas, pineapple and melon. It also made an ideal ending to a perfect meal which was simple but rich, decadent, heavenly and worth every calorie. And I am happy to say that it helped to shape a gathering we will remember very fondly.

Stand Up and Stand Out

The foliage this time of year is vivid with color and can make even a cloudy day seem brighter. In fact, I personally think that it’s even more beautiful on a cloudy day as opposed to when the sun is shining because of the striking contrast between the leaves and the sky. Driving down the highway or walking through the forest are ideal times to soak in the expansive, colorful mixture and I welcome getting into my car if I know I’ll have the opportunity to feast my eyes during my trip to wherever. The other day, I was on an interstate and I happened to look over in the distance to see the tree below. I couldn’t help but notice it. It was alone, standing tall and blazing red and I had to pull over to take a picture of it.

I thought about this tree in comparison to the endless number of trees packed together in the forests. Although so many of them are worthy of our appreciation, the significance of each one is masked by the shear numbers. But standing on it’s own, there is no mistaking the brilliance of the tree above for all it’s worth. It is on its own to reveal its unique qualities and to shine brightly. For us as well, I believe it’s necessary to step out of the forest for our true abilities to be appreciated. It’s when we step out that we have a stronger impact because we bring forth and develop our unique talents. I’m not actually suggesting that we isolate ourselves from everyone. On the contrary, this is a quality of leadership that lets us add value to the lives of others and to encourage and inspire them to do the same.

We are surrounded by opportunities to stand out. Within our families or with friends, we can take a proactive role into nurturing relationships. We can lead by example at work by going the extra mile or accessing our creativity to solve problems. And within our communities we can initiate projects or do volunteer work for an organization we are passionate about, or we can help someone who is desperately in need.

So be uncommon, be exceptional and share your unique qualities. We all have the power within us. We just need to stand up and stand out and be brilliant like the tree…

Heart to Hearts

The other day I had a very long and emotional conversation with an old friend. Much of it revolved around her youngest child. Despite all of her efforts to demonstrate her love for him, he’s not speaking to her. This has her heart broken. She loves him dearly and knows he is hurt and angry over some past mistakes she’s made, but instead of letting her in he keeps pushing her away. Advice from most people is, “give it time, he’ll come around.” And of course, don’t stop loving him. She desperately wants him to love her back. I’d like to think he does, it’s just buried deep inside his anger and his own struggles. But this got me thinking about the love we send out. Sometimes we get it back from the person we give it to and sometimes we don’t. Love is not always reciprocal but that doesn’t mean it’s lost. If it’s been sent out into the universe it will come back. A shower sent from a single heart may return as raindrops from many hearts. A kind word from a stranger, a hug from a friend, some flowers from a partner, a thoughtful card in the mail or just a smile from someone. They are all gestures of love. Shakespeare said, “Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.” When the inner self is strong, love automatically radiates and flows freely. And the more you give, the more you get. I pray for my friend and her son that they reunite one day soon and that they will share their love with one another. I know though, that, even before that day comes, her love for him will continue to be shared with us all.